this moment is framed up.

*applause applause*

well done.
what an art you have formed.
a true talent.
you fuckin broke the vase again.

this time there's no more mending it back.
you can break it once and mend it all together.
but not twice.
not twice with the same amount of force.

"i took a gun, point it at his head;
pulled the trigger; and now i'm dead."

contradictory.
the fashion in which i live in.
i'm the king, and also the slave.
the champion, but also the biggest loser.
i've got everything i wanted, yet losing everything that i needed.
i seek for salvation; yet everything i had seeked for was laying in my hands.
i spoke to keep, by disobeying hands threw.
i'm the ally and the greatest enemy of my own.
this is the world i've created.
an illusion i live in.

i fear for my life.
in the direction i treading upon,
it's death at every corner.
lust lerks all around.
they're depressing you.
turning your fleshly body into a sacrifice for the unjust.

i'm sorry. i've caused things to turn out this way.
to say that i'm fine and moving on
i'm cheating you.
i'm falling into the traps of depression again.
i feel it knocking on my door.
i'm trying not to succumb.
it's tempting to break down and cry.
it's tempting.

i need to shut down.

goodbye my love. goodbye 2006.

"All the world's a stage,
and all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts." - William Shakespear


the sun risen once again.
birds chirping.
light triumphs over the darkness once more.
it was no different morning.
the last day of 2006.

i told myself a million times
that i will never write this entry
but it seems like i can't help it.

lying on the bed. falling in and out of sleep.
i kept feeling the need to write this letter
and bid farewell to 2006.

walked into the shower.
turned on the tap.
water flowing through every inch of my skin.
i felt it cleansing and washing away all the burdens,
miseries, sorrows, and grieves from my laden heart.

if i had a wish.
may 2006 never come.
it was not a good year.
but one that i had to endure.
losing 2 of my beloved ones forever.

the midnight of 1 dec'06 will always remain in my heart.
You will always be in my heart,
there you'll live forever.


calling out to you in your last breathe.
your eyes turned. they were on me.
i knew you heard me. and you left.
i'm sorry to be upset.
but you know you mean the world to me.
without you, there will never be me.
i love you grandma.

your time was up.
looking into your eyes.
the soul that is ever strong.
a soul that speaks of no death, but life, determination and perseverance. a soul that fights to live even when circumstances do not allow.
you are a legend.
going through the world war,
losing your child in the bombing .
lost your husband and fought to live with your children.
working thru the day and night with no rest.
earning every single cent you could with your two bare hands,
so that your children could live.
your soul speaks of strength and courage,
one that is not seen today.
you will forever be my hero,
my strength and courage to live like you do.
i love you grandma.


30 days after you have gone.
i miss you.
i knew you would go someday.
but it was too soon....

i wish you could come back.
and hold me like i was a baby.
carry me when i fall.
prepare breakfast before i get to school.
buy lunch. cook dinner.
cry with me when papa was not around.
nag at me when i spent too much money.
chasing me home from bowling to much.
going down all the way to bowling alleys to look for me.
i miss you so much...


my heart once known to love, warmth and care.
now numb.
numb to the pain and sorrows.
numb to the emotions of life.
i no longer know how to feel.
it's a sorrow beyond words can describe.
a pain beyond pain.
i'm lost.
i have my directions.
i can navigate.
but i've lost my strength to carry myself forward.
i'm lost without feelings and emotions.

i am an actor of the everyday life.
the world's a stage, and the men and women merely players.
pawns in the game of life and death.
this feeling would never end.
it would be better if i were not born at all.
it is a sick cycle of carousel.
someday someone else that i have held on would go.
one after another.
it hurts.

the best thing i could ever do is to be silent about it.
because it is has been a law of nature that this happens since man was born.
therefore there is nothing i can do about other than to find a way to be positive about it.
like; "it's her time. she went peacefully." "c'mon everyone's gotta go someday."
well... we're taught to feel that way.
but seems like i can't.
i can't.

the show must go on!
the sun still shines and the world still goes round and round.
and the so called "time" is ticking away.


well the only consolation i had was christmas.
it was the best day i ever had for 2006.
i really really enjoyed myself at acid bar.
i'm so glad that i went there.

24hours to the end of 2006 and the start of 2007.
i may not be happy i guess.
every second and minute passing by.
you're here with me.

before it really ends.
there's one person i really want to appreciate.
my mother.
now i know how much you mean to me.
i cannot lose you.

to my dearest Audrecia Yim.
i love you so much. without you,
i won't have taken it all so well.
thank you for loving me.

and to my dearest buddy Sam.
thanks bro.
i know you will always be standing by.
i love you man.

and to all of you.
Chris, Sam, Dino and all all all...
i love you guys. thanks for standing by me all this time. have a wonderful 2007.

to wrap this year up with one song...
by elton john.

magni - dolphin's cry

you can't miss this FanFuckingTastic song.
it's so good that i'm having goosebumps everytime i hear it.
you gotta hear this.

is this real or surreal?

another week slipped through the hour glass like quicksands.
another hour past by without bidding good-bye.
my life is becoming only a fraction of my imagination.
it seems like it was yesterday that i had in my mind,
"what will i be when i grow up?"
it didn't cost. i could dream of being anything i wanted.
everyday, i dream of being a different person.

but as sand slips through the hour glass,
at that moment, your imagination will become your reality,
if you still have it in your mind.
but if nothing was found in the hard disk of your brains,
while the sand is slipping through the tiny hole, and the world spinning round and round.
there you go....
nothing achieved, "give nothing, expect nothing."

the older we grow, the more difficult it gets to start dreaming.
reality is a huge wall. has it's foundations built up in your mind while you were growing up.
dammit.
seems like i'm losing time.
no time to chase waterfalls.
i gotta make things right.

looking into the unknown...
and seeing something out of it.
it takes a hero out of you.
you're courageous.

am i bullshitting too much?
haha...
i guess. i know i need to do something.
but i don't know how.
and it's really frustrating me to the core of my heart to the tips of my flesh.
if life is a fraction of our imagination.
then what is the whole?

=)

goodnight everyone.
i'm can't wait for monday to come.
i hope the teepee will close one eye.
please laa.

oh yes...
look out for this book.
i'm sure you'll like it.
elie wiesel - 3 books. night. dawn. day.
just read it. a book that causes you to have question mark about everything you have exoerienced in life.
awesome!

you will only know it when you finally taste it.

words of wisdom.
"some words are spoken with the heart and not the mouth
and only those who are sensitive enough
will hear it and understand."


-


time is a fly by.
no time is a good time.
seriously. i don't know what the hack i'm doing.
seems like i'm doing nothing. hahaa.
brains rusting really bad.
soon i'll be in the bunkers. hopefully in the air con room.
and hopefully i shall get my aprilia after so many years of saying it.
hahahaha..
sorry guys.
i know i've been saying that i'll be getting it.
but seems like 2 freaking years have past and i'm still not riding it.
you will see it soon i hope. =)

well...
what's the hot topic of my week.
damn..
money not buys you all the wonderful things in the world.
tho money can't buy friendship.
but this week....
i saw how money showed true colors.
true colors of friends that you've been hanging around with for damn freaking long years.
and suddenly your jaw drops wide open at the things he says when money is involved.
everybody knows and understands that it's alright to be angry when we lost money.
but it's not freaking alright to be blaming the whole world for it.
damn...
i can't freaking get it out of my head.
it hurts real bad.
hurts real bad to realize that your best friend is such an ass.

oh well..
the world still goes round.
life still goes on.
oh yes.
met up with hanqing and mr presley last night.
finally after ten thousand years.
yummy pratas at upper thomson which ended with elvis car getting a nice summon from uncle sam.
hahahaha..
sorry laa.
my fault for choosing prata house.
anyway..
we headed to sim lim...
and yes!
gosh...
you really got to know this.
backpacker's pub at perak road.
damn right.
you gotta go.
cheap beers!!! hahaha..
and most of all...
no more ah lians. it's ang moh babes this time. =)
it's all opened by foreigners.
aussies and british i guess.
well... the crowd there are all angmohs and nothing less.
with a pinch of little india inside. don't ask me why.

the sad news is...
the whole world is going army. that includes me. sad...
and the whole world is going overseas to study.
well... hopefully when everyone's back.
we'll be back together under the acs family. =)
"the best is yet to be"

goodnight everyone.

snow patrol - chasing cars

Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars


Provided by VideoCodes4U.com

digging my grave.

in a daze.
stunt at the works of my own hands
digging my own grave and planning my own death.
dammit...
some mistakes can only be committed once and never again.
one mistake is more than enough.
some lessons must be learned immediately.
if taught twice, you're courting death.
i guess i fell into the same freaking ditch twice within 2 months.
i'm a fool.

now i've to eat the bitter pill.
smell my own shit and clear it.
i hope 2 jobs can solve the problem.
and hopefully i will still be alive.
hahaha..
i swear i'm never ever gonna touch it ever again in my life.
dammit.
lesson learned.
the banker is always the winner.
okay. affirmative.
what to do when you don't know what to do?


leaving you with a quote before i go.
"Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter can be said to remedy anything."
- kurt vonnegurt (1922), Cat's Cradle

for her.

tuesday blues are unavoidable...
guess i'm feeling it.
sitting at home doing nothing sucks.
doing nothing for months and years sucks worst.
i guess the punter's job is the best for me now.

reading what you wrote "for him"
kinda set me thinking.
what kind of person am i,
have i been screwing up your life too much.
or have i been a good partner and sharing burdens together with you?
frankly speaking. i stood in awe at the things you wrote about.
for a short while i thot that these stuff will never ever cross your mind.
but i guess after reading it. it kinda put my heart at ease.
hahaha..
at least you've thot about it.
one step at a time.
we'll make things better.
at least we know that our lifestyle sucks now.
it's up to us to make it better.

we've to taste sadness then we'll know happiness.
we've to taste bitterness before appreciating sweetness.
we've got to taste continuous rain before we appreciate the sunshine.
now we've tasted bad life. and we will appreciate a better life.
and we will know how to get there.

we'll get there together.
just you and me.

move along.

The All-American Rejects - Move Along


Provided by VideoCodes4U.com

reminisence.

somehow i am reminded of him.
it's just hard to forget and even harder to move on.
it was only weeks ago that i last saw him.

flipping thru the phone. heard the music.
i recalled sitting by the bedside, listening to the mp3, staying by his side so that he will not feel lonely.
life is too short to live, too long to suffer.


-


quote of the day.
"as a well spent day bring happy sleep, so life well used brings happy death." - leonardo da vinci.


-


a huge thanks to saudi arabia for kicking japs ass.
hahaha...
you fucking made my sunday!
damn... i'm starting to love your OoiiL
hail king arafat!
hahahha...

that's all folks.